So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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