You can't special order awesome
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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