he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Randomize
