you traded sex for a burrito?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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