Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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