the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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