I cut my penus on the lid.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
