I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Randomize
