I murdered the dance floor call the cops
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i already hear my dad disowning me
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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