I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I wish they made helmets for livers.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
