Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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