But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
We're too hungover to prance.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
