I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm at about main and main street
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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