3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
