I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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