all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
