Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
