Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize