Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Randomize
