I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
