when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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