what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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