In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
