**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
