You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
