No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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