my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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