after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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