I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
