Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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