my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
