It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
