WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
