What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize