the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
