4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
