wake up i wanna do it froggy style
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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