i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I am available for nakedness
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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