yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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