I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
