Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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