dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
