In the future we'll all be gay
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
