went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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