what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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