I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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