Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
