Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
