Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Redeem this text for a blowjob
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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