I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
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