there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
