are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
