very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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