i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
