I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
