Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Randomize
