dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
