Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
