Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize