People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
