That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
