You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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