This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
