My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
