She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Randomize
