I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
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