put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
