Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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