My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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