we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
