And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
How does one acquire holy water?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
