yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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