i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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