I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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