i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
