so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
