You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
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