so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
How naked do you want me to be?
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