Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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