I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
