i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
