So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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