i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
