In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
